My wife died last week. How do I find hope?

Last week with much grief and sadness we laid my wife to rest. She was only 54.

Our hearts remain deeply mournful, and simultaneously peaceful. She fought a courageous battle against ALS, but the disease never defined her. She loved the Lord Jesus and her contributions to family, friends and church community were truly legendary. We treasure in our hearts the many wonderful memories of her. As the casket was lowered, I reflected solemnly upon the words of the Apostle Paul: “For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philip. 1:21).

Humanity cannot deny its mortality or the end of the material world. I believe wholeheartedly, however, that life is defined in Christ and He will always be there for His followers. As He promised, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away” (Mark 13:31).

I read a scientific theory that in the West the average life expectancy is about 84 for women and 81 for men. In one’s 20s, such milestones seem unimaginable. If you are a 35-year-old woman, then accordingly you have 588 months left and a 50-year-old man has 372. You are probably now doing the math on yourself. Scary, isn’t it? “What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes” (James 4:14). How then can we possibly measure our meaningfulness in this relatively short life? The Psalmist prudently supplicated to God: “So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom” (Ps. 90:12).

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Martin Luther King, Jr. was not only a great civil rights leader whose labors defined an era, but also an exceptionally gifted communicator. Sadly, he died at the young age of 39. Every January I try to read something he wrote. In The Measure of a Man, King brilliantly sermonized his point that humankind is worth far more than material significance. He illustrated amusingly that,

“Some … chemists who had a flair for statistics decided to work out the worth of man’s body … The average man has about seven bars of soap, enough iron to make a nail, enough sugar to fill a shaker, enough lime to whitewash a chicken coup, enough phosphorous for about 2,200 match tips, and enough magnesium for a dose of magnesia. When all of this was added up in terms of the market values of that day it came to about 98 cents … There is something in man that cannot be explained in terms of dollars and cents. There is something in man that cannot be reduced to chemical and biological terms … He is more than a wisp of smoke from a limitless smoldering” ^[1].

All reasonable people would have to agree with King’s point that there is something about humanity that cannot be quantified by strictly material references. Creativity, ingenuity, ability to reason, and consciousness of conscience, are only a few of the aspects that indicate how human value transcends the physical. These attributes can even transcend pain and suffering and make valuable human connections. Let us not forget the life of the late Stephen Hawkins whose diseased body transcended material limitations to make significant contributions to the world, family and friends.

Deep perspectives on humankind are almost always predicated on the inherent need to love and be loved. Love is a universal need that could not have had material origins. Poets and songwriters have always grappled with the mystery of love. John Lennon tried to make sense of humanity’s need of it in the song “Mind Games”:  “love is the answer, and you know that for sure; yes … you know that for sure.”

So when all is said and done, and our lives expire, how will any material thing ultimately matter? After all, in the graveyards, there are no socio-economic or political orders, or any notable achievements that affect anything. There awaits our physical destiny.

So the questions arise: How can we get love? Demonstrate love? And experience unfeigned love? That is, love that’s free from pretenses, and ulterior motives, that’s purely unconditional, and freely given without expecting anything in return. Love that makes humans genuinely happy, with the sense of experiencing complete fulfillment. Such love cannot be merely a human ideal promoted by poets and songwriters, because it must reliably fulfill even when the inevitable storms of life pound us. The Lord Jesus answers. He provides unmerited forgiveness, peace with God, power to love, “joy unspeakable,” and hope for tomorrow regardless of the vicissitudes of life.

“We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). At the Cross grace is found and real life begins. Consequently, we are commanded to love God wholeheartedly and one’s neighbor as oneself. These are the great commandments (Matt. 22:36-40) that began by His grace, and whereby humankind completes its vertical and horizontal meaning and fulfillment. The Psalmist knew this about life very well when he wrote, “Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints” (Ps. 116:15).

Whenever unbelievers attempt to dilute the uniqueness of God’s grace by relativizing and confusing it with other religions, one should immediately recognize this as illogical and intellectually disordered. “For apart from me,” said Jesus, “you can do nothing” (John 15:5). When properly understood, the Lord Jesus contradicts all other religious views and so to equalize Christian faith with them is simply misinformed.

In these past few years my wife taught me more about life and Christian faith than all of my previous years, and my perspectives have taken on a deeper appreciation for what really matters in life. I’ve had my good share of material blessings, for which I am grateful. Yet I know that such things cannot define life.

When many friends, neighbors, and relatives came to comfort us, I looked into their eyes and saw genuine sadness. This impressed upon me that the inevitability of death should awaken everyone to explore the love, faith and hope of Jesus as my wife did. Experiencing the Lord’s grace is what will ultimately matter. As the Lord Jesus promised: “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he dies, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die” (John 11:25-26).

1. The Christian Education Press: Philadelphia, 1959), 1-18.